Ron Paul Accepts Nomination

In an unprecedented move, John McCain has stepped down from the Presidential race, citing his age and need to spend time with his family.

“My son is about to graduate from the Naval Academy, and that being said, I have decided to concentrate on the finer things in life”, said the Senator from his posh Arizona homestead.

“Reality begins to sink in. The dollar is at an all-time low, and we are strapped for cash because of our overspending. I realize that I am not the man for this job. I humbly hand over my support to Dr. Ron Paul, and trust that most Americans will begin to see the light.” “Ron Paul is a man of strong conviction that opposes the Patriot Act, Real ID, and this unjust quote>War on Terror</quote.”

Ron Paul is set to appear on a nationally televised conference at 11:59 PM EST 4/1/2008 from his campaign headquarters in Texas. Early statements are that he will humbly accept the Republican Nomination for the 2008 Presidential Election.

Meanwhile, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh have switched parties claiming this to be an outright infringement on their rights to oppose the Constitution. In today’s broadcast on Rush’s radio show, he has finally come out and admitted his love for Hillary Clinton, and his strong admiration for her thighs. Hannity is going for Obama, for “he is the Great White hope”.

Troops are already returning home from all corners of the world. The dollar skyrocketed to an all time high. Federal Reserve executives have been found lying around the grounds of the Eccles Building in Washington DC, in apparent mass attempts at suicide. Fortunately, the building is not a high rise, so only minor injuries were reported.

More news after tonight.

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