2007 Was Quite The Year For Me

So this past New Year’s Eve celebration was probably the most quiet I’ve had in a long time.  I told my wife and baby to have fun at some friends while I sat on the couch watching stupid movies.  I then went for a two hour walk with the iPod draining its battery.

That two hour walk did give me much needed thought time alone.  While walking, I realized I don’t have enough solitude to think about God’s greatness and awesome power.  He is a God who is just and fair, yet He is also the God that can wipe us all out with a meer thought.

Another year rolls around, and to be honest, I don’t see the significance anymore.  I guess I’m going through a rut right now.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m the man in the song written by Tourniquet with the lyrics “and the years rolled along till nobody was there.”  Maybe I’m just not a people person as much anymore.  Maybe I’m looking for people who think alike.  Maybe I’m just bored.

I did come up with a resolution.  To start jogging again.  I don’t care what people think, I just need that time alone in the morning to get by myself, with God, and to burn some energy off.  I bought a cheap pair of running sneakers, and I plan on getting up early starting this week with the intention of putting in 1 round trip mile. 

1 mile.  From there I plan on building it up until I reach a few miles at a time.  Maybe I won’t be so fat when 2008 comes to a close.

My wife is pregnant again.  I don’t know if it has sunk in yet, because honestly, I am not as excited as I was the first time.  I pray that changes.

Well here’s a synopsis of what 2007 was for me:

1.  Drive across country with wife and kid and moved to Orange County, California in January.
2.  Start new job, fly wife and kid back to NJ to finish up packing stuff and ship second car.
3.  Settle into 1 room with an adjoining bathroom in Mission Viejo, CA as a room share.
4.  Fly my wife and kid back from NJ to California.   She settles into “apartment”
5.  Contact previous job about former position in Feb.
6.  NJ company offers job back with 20 % raise.
7.  Drive wife, kid, and cat back across country and have all stuff shipped back in April.
8.  Move into brother inlaws house and start job again.
9.  Baby has big 1 year birthday bash in May.
10.  Begin looking for a house to buy in June.
11.  Find a house we like in June, but owner deliberates on offer.
12.  Finally close on house in July and move into house, finally taking all of our belongings out of storage.
13.  In October, I receive notification from my company that I am getting laid off come March 31.
14.  Severance package is not enough for me to sustain a family, so I begin aggressively pursuing jobs.
15.  Receive an offer from a company in November.
16.  Take that job offer and begin a new job yet again this year.

So, this year for me was quite a blur.  While I have some regrets (moving to California, moving back to NJ to take old job), I am starting to believe that life is not going to be a life of ease and settlement for me.  My wife and I still feel like wanderers, and we want to see other parts of this world. 

My dream is to move to Australia someday.  Of course, having never been there, I can’t even pretend to predict whether or not I would like it out there.  I always dreamed about living in California.  I did it, and it didn’t work out.  Maybe I didn’t give it enough time.  How can I know now?

While I still love the landscape and climate of California, I have wanted to see Australia since I was a mere child.  The land holds a magic spell over me for some reason.  I think I would settle on the Melbourne area, this way I’m not in LA part 2 (Sydney), but have enough of a metropolitan area to not feel that I’m stuck out in the backwoods.

Will I ever get there?  Only God knows.  With a wife and now a second child on the way, this will probably grow more and more difficult.  I do regret moving back to NJ sometimes, and then quickly buying a house.  Then again, I feel that I am running from God’s will, whatever it is, and that He is patient, yet always finding ways at getting my attention.

When I was in California, I had a good two weeks that were spent without any friends or family.  God grew very close to me.  Then I think I hit that stage of homesickness and wanted to come back to all that was familiar to me.  I began to compare Californians to East Coasters, and the Californians were not measuring up.  I began to miss family and friends.  Once the deal was closed with the NJ company, I was locked and loaded to get back.

Not quite.  Towards the last week or so, I actually began to like my surroundings, and Californians laidbackness.  I often wonder if I didn’t give this enough time.  A huge dream of mine finally came true, and I backed out.

Oh well, I guess life is full of mistakes and whatifs.  The only thing for me to do is to move on.  I am going to stop living in a dream land all the time, and try to appreciate the day God has for me today.  I have my dreams.  I don’t feel settled at this point.  Who knows?  Maybe God has something different planned for my family.

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